11 questions about Flying Ant Day...
- Do the ants know it's going to happen?
- If so, do they look forward to it and say things like: 'I can't fucking wait for Flying Ant Day this year!' or does it hang over them all summer like a cloud? 'Fucking hell, Flying-fucking-Ant Day's coming 'round again.'
- Do ants call it Flying Ant Day or just Flying Day?
- How do they know to all do it at the same time and who gives the green light to start?
- Do they spend the whole day in a state of frenzy and scream things like: 'fucking hell, I'm flying!' or do they take it in their stride. 'Yeah, I'm flying. What of it?'
- Do they get depressed on Flying Ant Boxing Day when they wake up and their wings aren't there any more? 'Only another 364 days of crawling around on our crappy little legs like cunts again. Carrying leaves and shit.
- Why don't other animals do equally interesting annual role-reversals? Swimming Eagle Day? Walking Shark Day? Flying Badger Day?
- Are there any ants that won't do it? 'That's a load of old bollocks, that Flying Ant Day. It gives me the shits.'
- Is it an overly ambitious attempt to invade the planet, enslave the human race and begin the dominion of the Kingdom of the Ants or is it just to impress girl ants?
- Why is it not a national holiday? After all, it's the only 'day' that doesn't disappoint. Christmas leaves you cold, New Year's is a drag, Valentine's Day is a pain in the arse. Flying Ant Day, on the other hand, delivers exactly what it promises. Nothing more, nothing less.
- Are there any ants that think it's become too commercial?
Yesterday, I spotted an ant in my garden acting in a suspicious manner. Fearing he was up to something, I followed him home and discovered these blueprints laid out on his kitchen table:
No comments:
Post a Comment