England expects...

I am pleased to announce that, after much undignified begging from the Football Association, I have agreed to write and record the official England World Cup song for 2010.

It is to the tune of The Who's Won't Get Fooled Again and goes like this:

(VERSE 1)
We'll be watching in the streets,
With our children at our feet.
And the first few games will tempt us to believe. 

And the flags will fly so proud, 
And the fans will cry so loud. 
And the whole wide world will start to shake with fear.

(CHORUS)
We'll get sucked in by the whole situation,
Kid ourselves with our own expectations, 
Smile and grin as the final gets closer 
and everything we do just clicks. Just like '66. 
And I'll get on my knees and pray,
We don't get fooled again.

(VERSE 2)
They'll be melting in the heat,
And dying on their feet. 
And the hope that they have sold us will be gone.

And the men who led us on,
Will say they knew it all along.
And the England team will always get it wrong.

(CHORUS 2)
We'll get embroiled in a cloud of depression, 
Fill ourselves with tears and frustration. 
Soldier on as the summer is cancelled. 
And tell ourselves it was a fix, just like '86. 
And I'll get on my knees and pray,
We don't get fooled again.

(BRIDGE)
We should be pleased just to have qualified 
and be happy that we got out alive. 
Take down the flags and the paint from our skin, 
for we know that the England team never win.
Do ya?

(VERSE 3)
We'll be gracious in defeat, 
'Cos we're good at getting beat. 
We tried our best, we're just crapper than the rest. 

And with Gerrard on the left,
and Walcott on the right. 
We should have known the balance wasn't right.

(CHORUS 3)
I'll tip my hat to Capello's replacement,
The same old players in the same old formation, 
Smile and grin when we beat the Albanians 
and everything we do just clicks, like Euro '96. 
And I'll get on my knees and pray, 
We don't get fooled again.

(I have decided that the classic Daltrey scream that usually comes at this point will be provided by Carlton Palmer. Hopefully it will feel as strange and out of place as the John Barnes rap did on World In Motion.)

(CODA)
Meet the new team,
Same as the old team.

















Available from all good record shops (and at least two really shit ones).